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Worrying About Nothing

December 24, 2011

So far today, at least the part of it I’ve been awake, I’ve been feeling anxious and ever so slightly panicky about all the stuff I have to do today (and now that I’m sitting here typing, I’m starting to worry about whether the fan noise the laptop is making is normal or a sign of impending doom). Looking at it logically, this doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, as there are really only two things that I absolutely must get done between now and tomorrow morning, but I don’t seem to be able to look at it that way. Or rather, I can look at it that way, but it’s not changing how I feel when I look at my to do list. It also doesn’t help to tell myself that my list is so much more manageable than a lot of people’s today. Do I have to shop for Christmas gifts at the last minute? No. Do I have to get the house ready for guests coming for the holiday? No. So why does my chest feel tight and my stomach churny? My dad self-medicated feelings like this with Christian Brothers brandy and beer; I use food. Neither is a healthy solution. Dad got on Ativan late in life and that made a remarkable difference. Is that what I need? Whether it is or isn’t, I can’t get meds today, so I need to just step away from both list and laptop, have a breakfast that doesn’t consist entirely of Hershey’s kisses, and then get on with things.


On this date in 2010: Oh Purple Tree
2009: Parking Lots and Anchor Stores
2008: Tree of Fascination
2007: With Care
2006: Presto-Pine and Sugar Play
2005: Winter Count–October
2004: The Stockings Were Hung on the Bookcase with Care
2003: Peace on Earth and Goodwill to All
2002: Books I Have Not Read

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