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Good Vibrations

July 14, 2005

I didn’t get enough sleep last night, either, nor did I get back into my own bed. We did make progress–the blinds are back up and the new light fixture that looks a bit like a spaceship from the planet Orange is installed, replacing the Colonial-style milk glass one I never liked and periodically banged into when getting dressed because it hung down so low. But only about half of the blue painter’s tape has been removed–that is going a lot more slowly than I’d hoped; in some places I’ve had to use an X-acto knife and a needle-nosed pliers (or my eyebrow tweezers for really tight spots–if I ruin them that way, I guess I’ll have a reason to get the lavender Tweezerman tweezers I’ve been coveting). Between the long hours I’ve been spending at the keyboard at work and the tape removal, my arms and hands are very sore.

But enough woe is me, since it’s not all woe–I got a very entertaining catalog thanks to my purchase of a pillow from a place I’d never done business with before. The shopping cart on the website I’d planned to order the pillow from kept giving me a javascript error, so I Googled for another source and found this site. I was surprised when I got to the checkout page and there were fields labeled “Please provide Name, Birth Date, Time and Location in the box below for each Astrology Report Ordered” and “Please provide Birth Name, Current Name and Birthdate in the box below for each Numerology Report Ordered”–it never would occur to me to get my pillows and my astrological and numerological readings at the same place. “Hmm, odd,” I thought, and moved on to other things.

I didn’t think any more about it until the pillow arrived. It was just what I expected, but the catalog was a delightful bonus. Sure, it had stuff in it I’d use, like the pillow, but it also had lots of stuff I didn’t know existed that sparked my imagination. For instance, the
Color Therapy Glasses in seven colors (one for each chakra). These look so happy and retro. I could get the whole set and display them as art. I could wear them when I work on quilts, maybe make a series of quilts, one to be viewed with each color. And I’d have to get the whole set–save $10, and besides, how could I choose fewer than all of them? I’d need violet, of course, that’s a given–got to have my favorite color–but which color would I spurn? Yellow might seem the obvious choice, since it’s purple’s opposite, but I need all the mental clarity and cheerfulness I can get. Maybe I could give up blue, since I’m already sensitive enough (too sensitive, some might say). But wait–my friend Google turned up thisset with nine colors and a hipper style. That one includes magenta and aqua, too–maybe two more chakras were discovered when I wasn’t looking. Or there’s this high-end set of seven–that makes the original set look like quite reasonable. I’ve almost talked myself into getting some.

I believe I will skip the Crudoleum Hair Products, though. With a name that starts with “crud”… If step 1 is putting crude oil on one’s hair and step 2 is rinsing with grain alcohol, I’m out. I don’t even want to think about the intensive conditioner made with petroleum jelly. I can only imagine the results would be something like the time when, as an impressionable youth who had access to too many women’s magazines, I bathed in vegetable oil and perfume because I read a tip that this was just as good as bath oil. It wasn’t, and I was slick and greasy for what seemed like weeks afterward.

I’m a little concerned about the Diodes Per the catalog, “These days it is more important than ever to carry a diode at all times to keep your energy field in balance.” It is? No one told me. Here I am, diode-free. My body’s electrical system and aura just have to fend for themselves. Perhaps if I got one or more of the mysterious Vibrational Appliances, I’d be all fixed up. Though for that kind of money, I could get a new sewing machine, which I would at least have some idea how to use. A Bernina with the stitch regulator would have some of the same benefits touted for the vibrational appliances–increased joy, for sure. Maybe that’s what I should reward myself with the next time I get to goal weight–I could sew on it only as long as I maintained my weight, otherwise it would have to go live at Erica’s apartment. Hmm, that’s an approach I haven’t tried before. I think it has possibilities.

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