Hat on Top, Coat Below


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June 30, 2004

AlphaBytes ends today, and I’m feeling pangs of regret because I didn’t do as much as I wanted with it. In that way, it feels like a typical Sunday night, when I look at my to do list for the weekend with so many items still left on it and wonder where the time went. I’d hoped to write more entries than I did last year, but I’m going to end up with one less (though perhaps that’s only to be expected, since June has one fewer day in it than March; yeah, that’s it). I’d hoped to do more with the word lists, but I think this entry is the only one that’s been even remotely inspired by them. I feel like a bad collaborator. Yet, the spur of AlphaBytes did get me to update more this month than I have since Holidailies last December, so in that respect it was a success. Also, I did a few letters this year that I didn’t get to last year, so now I only have U, X, and Z to do next time round and I’ll have completed the whole alphabet. AlphaBytes: The Three-Year Plan. I think it could catch on.

AlphaBytes is ending because June is ending, which means I really should do a goal check-in soon, especially since I didn’t do one for May, except I don’t want to do one now either because I still don’t want to highlight how little I’ve accomplished lately. But avoiding the topic certainly hasn’t helped, so a check-in it shall be.

So, where were we? The last time I did a proper report, the reading, quilting, and home goals were going pretty well and the body goal was not. Then May came, and while there were some bright spots, such as going away for a week on a business trip and actually losing a pound even though I discovered a Dippin’ Dots stand just down the road from the hotel, things sort of deteriorated overall. I didn’t even finish reading one book, despite taking The Blank Slate with me to Texas and Oklahoma. I blame the book for that, though. I didn’t get my clippings filed and because I am weak, I didn’t make myself throw them out, either. I didn’t even pick a box from the basement, much less weed anything out from one. And exercise? Hah! I did two workouts the whole month. That would have been okay if I’d been walking a lot instead, but I was not. An average of a little over 6000 steps a day (6082 for you data freaks in the crowd) does not an active lifestyle make.

So June had to be better, right? In some ways, yes, it was. I put the finishing touches on the quilt for Beth and Jeremy. The goal of nine quilts for the year seems a little aggressive at this point, but I have some smaller, less complicating pieces in mind so it might all work out. I finally finished The Blank Slate as well as three other books (sure, two were small paperbacks, but they count), so I caught up with my reading goal for the year. I caught up with the clippings, too, and am actually ahead of schedule with the photo album project. Go me. I still haven’t gotten to those basement boxes, but there’s a long weekend coming up, so maybe July will be the month o’ empty cardboard containers.

But the body goal. Oh my things are not going well here. I haven’t been to Weight Watchers since April, and this morning I was 175 pounds. Coincidence? I think not. This is the most I’ve weighed in two years. True, there’s a bit of post-vacation bloat in that number, but not 25 pounds worth. Where did that all come from? Same old, same old–eating too much of the wrong things and not moving enough. Why is it so hard to get this right? How many more times do I have to fail at weight maintenance before I succeed? Will I ever manage it long-term? Should I stop trying? I don’t know. I don’t want to be this weight, but I obviously don’t want to do the things that it takes to be lighter, either, or I would do them and not be in this same situation every couple-few years. I feel like I need to try something different, but what? Atkins? I don’t think so. I get irrationally angry whenever I see the scarlet A in the grocery store or another “Atkins-friendly” product. Tae Bo? Slimfast? A personal trainer? I don’t know. I’ve got to figure something out. I’d love to just declare an end to failure and know that this time I’ll do it right and keep it going. I can’t do that, but I can keep trying until I find something that works for me.


Last year at this time, I’d already done my goal check-in for June.

Two years ago, I was still nattering on about the NQA show.

E is for Endings

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